I have been living with mild to moderate depression and anxiety since I was 15. I would say it has affected all of my relationships and life choices up until I turned 30. When it’s bad it can be all-consuming and paralyzing. I finally made the decision to go on meds my 30th year and that, along with a combination of other things, seemed to be the key to my treatment. But that doesn’t mean it’s gone. It’s just suppressed now in a way that I can deal and cope with life much better. I would still say 30-40% of my everyday decisions are rooted in anxiety and fear but that I am living an amazingly fulfilling and productive life that I wouldn’t have ever believed possible when I was in my 20s.
As for tennis, I started playing when I was 8 and I didn’t always love it. It was something to do and my mom forced me into it. She poured a lot of time energy and money into it but to me it was like a chore. I played on school teams in junior high and high school but quit once I left for college because of the social anxiety associated with it.
So, life happens, and I am mired in the mundane stresses of work, marriage and children. When my younger son finally started kindergarten and I had a chunk of time to myself, I started asking what I could do to get me back in touch with myself. What is the thing that had nothing to do with my role as mom or wife and that is entirely my own? It was tennis. By then my anxiety about tennis was gone and I joined up with TCSP in the spring of 2018 and held my racket for the first time in about 25 years. It. Was. So. Fun. I remembered how much I loved the sport and thanked my mom for forcing me into it when I was younger. It not only elevated my baseline mood but got me back in shape as well. I have never been an athletic or sporty person and I hate everything that has to do with exercising, but tennis has always been different. It’s not work. It’s for fun and just playing is its own reward for me. It forces me into the moment, and I feel joyful. It’s a necessity in my life now.
It took me a few months, but I finally found MARK BALL that fall (yes it rhymes). He was someone who immediately struck me as a person who wouldn’t let you get away with excuses and mediocrity. He pushed you, believed in you and, with his well of eternal patience, encouraged and elevated you. I was immediately hooked. He not only has an innate ability to instantly diagnose you but also possesses an uncanny talent for showing you through examples and creative explanations how capable you really are.
Mark does this so casually and effortlessly. I have stuck with him for almost two years and his lessons never get stale. There is always something new and amazing I discover about myself every single time. Tennis is basically a metaphor for life. Through learning what I can achieve in tennis I can apply it to other areas in my own life. Mark also has the charisma of a life coach and motivational speaker that I’ve secretly been referring to him as my therapist. I had gotten into the schedule of working with him 3 times a week (group lesson, semi-private lesson, and team coaching) and finally hitting my stride, feeling good and winning at life!
Then Covid hit. I went from playing 4-5 times to ZERO. For weeks, months. I’d already lived a life of depression, so I was able to handle the isolation and bad feelings pretty well. What was killing me was that I didn’t have the physical outlet. I tried walking or jogging but as I said before, that is exercise and work and not fun. I deal with stress by turning to obsessions that are repetitive and soothing. That is why I love gardening. I weeded and cleaned and maintained my giant backyard for weeks. I organized and reorganized the basement for weeks. I dealt and coped but wasn’t thriving. I kept in contact with Mark, but I just wasn’t ready. It was only up to me to decide when to return. It seemed 3 months was my limit. At the end of June I timidly returned. Once a week. Then twice a week. And eventually 3 times a week. I felt so much better and much happier as the summer went on.
Over the spring and summer, I also was able to focus my stresses onto another obsession which ended up being mask sewing. By making masks for everyone, I still had my repetitive, meditative, obsession to focus my mind on. And it was productive, helpful, and fun! I take care to pick and choose the fabric for individual friends and put the intent of protection and love into each mask I sew. Mask making is not only soothing to do but feeds my soul as I put forth my good wishes out there. I knew I wanted to thank tennis and since tennis isn’t a person the way I thought to do it was to help protect the good people that work at my home base TCSP, and here we are.
Now that we are back into a rhythm at TCSP, I get to look forward to my time with Mark and his lessons. I told him, “Hey, no pressure! My happiness doesn’t hinge entirely on you or anything, no biggie!” Along with seeing my teammates and people on the courts, Mark’s thoughtful, positive, and uplifting spirit is going to help carry me through it all.
I have been living with mild to moderate depression and anxiety since I was 15. I would say it has affected all of my relationships and life choices up until I turned 30. When it’s bad it can be all-consuming and paralyzing. I finally made the decision to go on meds my 30th year and that, along with a combination of other things, seemed to be the key to my treatment. But that doesn’t mean it’s gone. It’s just suppressed now in a way that I can deal and cope with life much better. I would still say 30-40% of my everyday decisions are rooted in anxiety and fear but that I am living an amazingly fulfilling and productive life that I wouldn’t have ever believed possible when I was in my 20s.
As for tennis, I started playing when I was 8 and I didn’t always love it. It was something to do and my mom forced me into it. She poured a lot of time energy and money into it but to me it was like a chore. I played on school teams in junior high and high school but quit once I left for college because of the social anxiety associated with it.
So, life happens, and I am mired in the mundane stresses of work, marriage and children. When my younger son finally started kindergarten and I had a chunk of time to myself, I started asking what I could do to get me back in touch with myself. What is the thing that had nothing to do with my role as mom or wife and that is entirely my own? It was tennis. By then my anxiety about tennis was gone and I joined up with TCSP in the spring of 2018 and held my racket for the first time in about 25 years. It. Was. So. Fun. I remembered how much I loved the sport and thanked my mom for forcing me into it when I was younger. It not only elevated my baseline mood but got me back in shape as well. I have never been an athletic or sporty person and I hate everything that has to do with exercising, but tennis has always been different. It’s not work. It’s for fun and just playing is its own reward for me. It forces me into the moment, and I feel joyful. It’s a necessity in my life now.
It took me a few months, but I finally found MARK BALL that fall (yes it rhymes). He was someone who immediately struck me as a person who wouldn’t let you get away with excuses and mediocrity. He pushed you, believed in you and, with his well of eternal patience, encouraged and elevated you. I was immediately hooked. He not only has an innate ability to instantly diagnose you but also possesses an uncanny talent for showing you through examples and creative explanations how capable you really are.
Mark does this so casually and effortlessly. I have stuck with him for almost two years and his lessons never get stale. There is always something new and amazing I discover about myself every single time. Tennis is basically a metaphor for life. Through learning what I can achieve in tennis I can apply it to other areas in my own life. Mark also has the charisma of a life coach and motivational speaker that I’ve secretly been referring to him as my therapist. I had gotten into the schedule of working with him 3 times a week (group lesson, semi-private lesson, and team coaching) and finally hitting my stride, feeling good and winning at life!
Then Covid hit. I went from playing 4-5 times to ZERO. For weeks, months. I’d already lived a life of depression, so I was able to handle the isolation and bad feelings pretty well. What was killing me was that I didn’t have the physical outlet. I tried walking or jogging but as I said before, that is exercise and work and not fun. I deal with stress by turning to obsessions that are repetitive and soothing. That is why I love gardening. I weeded and cleaned and maintained my giant backyard for weeks. I organized and reorganized the basement for weeks. I dealt and coped but wasn’t thriving. I kept in contact with Mark, but I just wasn’t ready. It was only up to me to decide when to return. It seemed 3 months was my limit. At the end of June I timidly returned. Once a week. Then twice a week. And eventually 3 times a week. I felt so much better and much happier as the summer went on.
Over the spring and summer, I also was able to focus my stresses onto another obsession which ended up being mask sewing. By making masks for everyone, I still had my repetitive, meditative, obsession to focus my mind on. And it was productive, helpful, and fun! I take care to pick and choose the fabric for individual friends and put the intent of protection and love into each mask I sew. Mask making is not only soothing to do but feeds my soul as I put forth my good wishes out there. I knew I wanted to thank tennis and since tennis isn’t a person the way I thought to do it was to help protect the good people that work at my home base TCSP, and here we are.
Now that we are back into a rhythm at TCSP, I get to look forward to my time with Mark and his lessons. I told him, “Hey, no pressure! My happiness doesn’t hinge entirely on you or anything, no biggie!” Along with seeing my teammates and people on the courts, Mark’s thoughtful, positive, and uplifting spirit is going to help carry me through it all.
